Life Is Like A Pussy Hole - It’s Filled With Pleasure & Pain.
Time Is Like An Ass Hole - What Passes Out Doesn’t Come Back.
Business Is Like Boobs - It Bounces Up & Down.
Inflation Is Like Blow Jobs - They Suck The Happiness Out Of Life.
But Friendship Is Like Sex - Life Has No Meaning Without It.

 I've learned that you can't make someone love you.

All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others.

They are more screwed up than you think. I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place. I've learned that 99 of the time, when something isn't working in your house, one of the *** did it. I've learned that the people you care most about in life, are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.

 A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her

 A boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look.
“Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?”
She told him, “Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.”
Then he asked, “Why is my sister named Cornflower?”
She replied, “Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her.”
“And why is my other sister called Moonchild?”
“Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived.”
Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son, “but why are you so curious, Broken Rubber?”

 A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, “Open the safe.” She says, “This isn’t a real bank, it’s a sperm bank.”

He says, “Open the safe or I’ll shoot.”
She opens the safe, and he says, “Now take one of the bottles and drink it.”

After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.
He says, “Now you see? It’s not so difficult, is it?”